Mental health – The power of conversation.

Guest Blogger

Kath Wood – Disability Training and Consultancy Specialist – Product and Consultancy Lead

In this blog, I will highlight the importance of conversations about mental wellbeing and share some advice for people on both sides of the conversation on how to prepare for it and the best approach to take.

We often worry that these conversations might be too difficult, regardless of our side.

But having a conversation is the gateway to support, and I am here to help.

When we are experiencing symptoms or receive a mental health diagnosis, we might feel embarrassed and ashamed and avoid our friends just at the time when we need them the most.

We might worry that people will think less of us or that our friendship will change. But that is usually unfounded, and their support can be hugely helpful to our mental wellbeing. We need emotional support, practical help and advice to help us resolve issues and put things in perspective.

At some point, symptoms may start to significantly impact our lives, and we may need some medical support. The best route to all of this is through a GP. Speaking about this with your doctor can be difficult, so it is a good idea to plan ahead for the appointment. Your GP may refer you to secondary mental health support services or therapy.

If your mental wellbeing starts to affect work, then it is time to consider talking to your manager. Firstly, this will help explain any absences or changes in performance at work. It will also provide an opportunity to discuss any workplace issues affecting your mental health or any changes you might need to manage your mental wellbeing at work.

Whoever we decide to speak to can help us plan and prepare for this. This could involve thinking about what help we might need from that person, preparing what to say, or maybe making some notes. This is especially helpful if you think you might get upset in the conversation.

It can be daunting when considering approaching a friend or colleague about their mental health, here are some some worries you may have:

I might say something to make things worse.

As long as you approach the conversation sensitively and compassionately it is extremely unlikely that you will say anything to make the person feel worse. Even just asking how they are and providing a listening ear can be hugely helpful. The worst thing we can do is not say anything at all.

I don’t know how to start the conversation.

Choosing the right time and place is a good start. Try to find a quiet, private space where you won’t be interrupted and make the space as relaxed as possible. Using comfy chairs if you have them or sitting across the corner of a desk instead of opposite will also work. And you could both bring a drink.

A simple “how are you” is a great place to start. But here are a few more you could try (or adapt for yourself):

• We haven’t caught up in a while, I just wanted to check in to see how you were.
• I’m happy to listen if there’s anything you’d like to share with me?
• I know you have got a lot on at the minute, let’s take a few minutes so you can tell me what’s going on.
• I’ve noticed that you are quieter than usual – how are you feeling?
• It’s important we talk about you and your wellbeing as-well-as work. How are things at the moment?
• Work is quite busy and stressful at the moment – How can I support you?

I am not sure what approach to take

Unfortunately, there isn’t a definitive list of things you should say and do – every person and situation is different. But here are a few tips which you can incorporate into your approach:

• Use open questions where possible: Who, what, when, how, or tell, explain, describe as this will help them to feel valued and give you more information.
• Give them time to answer and don’t fill the silence too quickly.
• Listen non judgementally – avoiding assumptions or judging them on your values.
• Practice active listening – have open body language, lean forward and use non-verbal cues such as nodding or saying yes.
• Show compassion understanding and empathy – people will need reassurance.
• Ask them what they need, explore options together – try to avoid giving a quick fix.
• Arrange a follow-up meeting to check that things are improving.

I won’t know what to do with the information they choose to share.

On many occasions these conversations are simply checking how people are doing and working out if there is anything that you can do to support them. Sometimes it just helps people to share how they are feeling

If work is contributing to someone’s poor mental health or is difficult because of their symptoms, then as a manager, you can help. Making simple changes or adjustments to work can make a real difference and reduce the likelihood of that person needing to take time off sick.

If people share issues that are beyond your expertise, your best option is to signpost them or encourage them to seek professional and expert help. You can always seek support from Human Resources or emergency medical help if someone is in crisis.